You made it to the booking page! Let's make sure you are well on your way and you don't just bang away at that keyboard in excitement! This is an exhilarating journey for us both. When we meet, I can promise you, we will be just like old friends who fucked in some other lifetime.
Please only reach out if you intend on treating my time with respect. I can't say exactly what I want to say here, but hopefully you pick up on the vibe I'm throwing down. I want us to connect, share some stories, become familiar — friendly even, and then and only then can we can shift gears and I will gladly introduce you to my naughty side.
What follows next is a test man, and I want you to pass that test!
First, please attach two items:
(1) a photo of your drivers license and (2) a recent photo of yourself (waist up, you deviant). I appreciate my suitors to be roughly height to weight proportionate, and between the ages of 35 to 55 years old. Bonus points if you are sporting a dad-bod and/or salt-and-pepper beard, because those are my weaknesses. :)
Booking info — the when and where.
Tell me your preferred date, time of day, the duration of the booking and the city where you would like to meet. Please bear in mind, I will be flying to you, if not already on tour.
What do you have in mind for our time together? No, really.
Dates of four hours have the option of having it take place behind closed doors, but should still include ample wine, room service/Uber Eats and conversation. Add in an oily full-body massage, followed by a sudsy shared-shower, and you my friend have a fine evening planned.
Anything beyond four hours absolutely must include some planned social event. An afternoon at the spa is always nice, throwing napkins at a piano bar is a favorite pastime of mine, lounging on a beach somewhere is always a win, taking a class of some sort for laughs is highly enjoyable. You know, date things.
Now, also consider this, all of those cool things you want to do, but haven't, because so-and-so is too much of a nag or can't keep up and will ruin the whole God damn thing. I'm a fun-loving, solid girl. I like to be adventurous. Let's tackle that bucket list together — let's bike up that mountain, go to that rowdy concert, jump off a cliff into a lagoon or go rent a Ferrari 488 GTB on a race track! You can go back to your quiet home and settle into your little spot on the couch, but you're going to do it with a big fucking grin on your face and probably a half-chub because you did something badass and exhilarating!
Next, tell me what's up with you, and leave out the wordy-dirties.
I'd love to know a little bit about you, what your interest are, what activities you enjoy, whether or not you're a man of many passions or stay more low-key. Are you married? Is she joining us? Tell me about how you went to a Burning Man concert many years ago, or your favorite quote from Carl Sagan. Be random, and organic. Don't backspace. Just type something. It's cool. I promise.
Okay last step! I will need one of the following two options:
(1) two or more referrals from upscale companions that you met no longer than six months ago and whom reside in the United States. Please list their names and link their websites.
(2) or, provide verifiable work information (such as an established LinkedIn account with your profile photo / your professional medical or legal license number / your name, photo and title listed on a prominent company website / an inconspicuous email from your work email address that may be sent to my unlisted, burner email address).
Okay, that's it! Expect a reply from me within a few days. Please be patient with me. I entertain selectively, I like to do my research. The more information you send in your inquiry, the better able I am to make my decision.
I appreciate you. After this, it's all downhill. :)
Email your extensive inquiry to:
Don't forget to attach the pics!